Entry at Schott’s Vocab in the New York Times

In this week’s limerick contest, Schott says bonus points will be given for all limericks that mention these words:

Birthers · Darwin · Surge · Olympian ·
Swine Flu · Clunker · Gubernatorial · Stimulus · iPhone · Madoff ·
Google · Blackmail · Uranium · Irony · People’s Republic of China · Extradition · Congress · Wikipedia · Euthanasia

The following uses each word in a separate Limerick, but stretches the Limerick strict form in a systematic way at times.

There was an elderly Birther
Whose belief occasion’d a lot of Mirth, or
Sniggers and smirks
From chaps he thought Jerks,
That unamused elderly Birther.

And what shall we do with Darwin?
No matter what we say, we can’t win
It is quite a Jape
To be descent from an Ape
Oh, alas, that unfortunate Mr. Darwin!

There was an ex-President who had an Urge
To win the unwinnable with a Surge
Our casualties went down
We declared victory downtown
Whilst the dead piled up despite our Surge.

Chicago is a mighty City of broad shouldered renown
Now, why does it need to be an Olympian town?
It needs schools and roads
This sports nonsense bodes
Ill for Chicago, that toddlin’ town.

There is an flu and it is no Joke
If you feel punk have the Doctor you prod and poke
Get vaccinated if you are Old,
And stay bundled up against the Cold.
And whatever else you do, don’t Smoke.

I had a Ford Escort bought new in ‘Eighty-Five
Boy was it hard to keep alive
So I turned in my Junker
Got some money for my Clunker
And it’s now a new car that I drive!

Said a Schwarzenegger Gubernatorial
Our fine State is no longer fiscally sound, at all
Taxes Ich should increaze
But dat would cause ze rich to never ceaze
Deinem attacks on my office in zee town zat is Sacramental.

There was a president who liked to smoke
And was also fond of an improper joke
He popped two milligrams of Nicorette Gum
And said, wow now that is a stimulus, and then some!
That Presidential fellow, who liked to smoke.

There was a young girl who had an iPhone
And thereafter, would never ever dispone
Calling her Friends,
Without reason…to no useful Ends,
That loquacious young female with her iPhone.

There was a financier named Bernie Madoff
Who was thought sound by many a grave Toff.
But when the books were actually audited
The Toffs did scoff and sob, they did,
Having been taken to the cleaners
And then to the barber shop
Oh they did skip and they did hop
Getting ten cents on the dollar
This “haircut” made ‘em holler
And this was thanks to Bernie Madoff;
I don’t think with a warning that gentleman shall get off.

Oh let me see am I on Google?
Let me blow my own horn, let me blow my own bugle
Like Emily Dickinson’s Frog
Announcing his presence to an admiring Bog,
The digital river, the swamp, that is Google!

There was a scoundrel he did me Blackmail,
Saying, give me money or such a Tale shall I retail!
But remembering the Duke, of Wellington,
I said, published and be damn’d, young un:
My name shall be unattaint! Trim your sail!

They say Iran has a lot of Uranium
Which Iran doth plan to put into a Bomb
I say so do we, and you see
What’s sauce for the fly is sauce for the flea:
Furthermore, are there no peaceful uses for the Atom?

There was an Ironic man of Providence
Who said, despite the Evidence
I shall speak the reverse of truthiness,
And to my wife, Ruth, I shall speak without ruthiness
Naught but ironic tripe, bunkum, poppycock, horsefeathers, and nonsense!

There was a dissident in the PRC
Who was locked up, and they threw away the key
For speaking the truth on the Net
And showing the Party that it was all wet
That daring young man of the PRC.

Whatever you say, it’s been a Tradition,
To punish lewd fellows with Extradition.
Lament it we may,
We cannot unsay,
The utility to governments of such manumission.

There was a member of Congress
Who sought with a gal, sexual ingress.
Of himself he made a spectacle
Of her, a lewd Receptacle.
That Republican member of Congress

And what will be done with wikipedia?
It is nothing more, and nothing less, than an expedia
A device to take knowledge without paying
From naive people who find themselves saying
Never again shall I work for wikipedia!

Rather than euthanasia
I’d quite prefer being sent to Asia.
There I shall age
And there I shall rage
Against any young pup who suggests euthanasia.

L’Envoi

Thank you Mr. Schott
My poetic bolt is shot
I shall quiver with Anticipation
To see if it receives Acclamation.