Child Safe Version of “Roundelay for the DW”

Worthless Wonders, wonder on
As we dance your head upon
What the heck is going on?

In the better restaurants
Where gather both brokers and their servant quants
The fear is palpable indeed
Could the jig be up on fear and greed?

Worthless Wonders, wonder on
As you sing the death song of the swan
Honking tunelessly: it ain’t your dawn

Fee fi fo fum
You smelled the blood of an English “mun”
Predatory credit offered to the desperate
False hope and lies, you dirty rat

Worthless Wonders, wonder on
You are men of sin: we’ll never fawn
Upon your false wisdom and your filthy lies
You murder what you touch you kill surprise

Fee fi fo groan
She cannot pay her student loan:
So she puts on her dancing shoes
The loser wins and the bankers lose!

Worthless wonders, wonder on
Why there’s no payments on the loan
Or maybe why I am able to
Either way, the world made new

You wanted to be the first mover
But now you are but Herbert Hoover:
But how does it feel to be the loser
Your bespoke is sticky it needs a cleaner.

O Worthless Wonders, wonder on
Your Brooks Brothers suit has boogers on
Out darn spot, down o Dog
Someone’s stolen your London Fog

You thought to be gods
But you are silly sods:
You are Saturn eating his kid
A bundle of greed get off the grid

Worthless Wonders, wonder on
Limbaugh rants we but yawn
The well funded hysteria of the Tea Bags
Is beaten by nice ladies, with shopping bags

You took away their microphone
To silence them you did dispone:
But in the silence came a Voice
By your Petard shall ye be hoist.

Worthless Wonders, wonder on:
As you gaze upon your filth strewn Pond:
You are mad and crazy and you are fond:
If you think we gonna pay that “bond”.

You marshaled marching morons who cudn’t evenn spel
To further your goal: to make this happy earth thy hell
Hark, the dark angel! Ding dong bell:
Raving men with a glitter in their eye
Hungry hags havering with havoc
Mad men with the universal solution and panacea.
You had your Tea Party and we had a laugh
The people now awake, go slaughter a calf.

Worthless Wonders, wonder on
As you rage in throes of death
The matador I! Come on!
You have money I have breath.

Edward G. Nilges 9 Oct 2011. Moral rights have been asserted.

Agnes and the Blot

THE HISTORY OF AGNES, AND HER BLOT

Agnes didn’t want to learn Chinese
So she tickled her nose to make herself sneeze
Which, faster than you could even think,
Caused the Cat to wake up and take a drink,
Which caused the Dog to yawn and blink,
Which caused the Parrot to turn red and pink,
Which caused the Goldfish to raise a stink,
Which caused the Mouse to collide with the Ink,
Which turned it over and plinketty-plink
Agnes’ Copybook had an enormous Blot
Which caused her Teacher, Wong, to say hey hey, what what
Chinese this most definitely is Not.

Edward G. Nilges 2 Oct 2011. Moral rights have been asserted by the Author nyah ha ha.

The assistance of Agnes For Real is acknowledged. She is a most intelligent and diligent student in fact.

Toilet Monster

I call “Toilet Monster” the phenomenon in Hong Kong schools, where one kid in English class says, “Teach-ahh! I gotta go to the toilet!” and soon, other children take up the cry, resulting in a general Clamour. In response to today’s Hue and Cry, I had the Little Hearts draw their Toilet Monster and write about it.

Then, on the MTR I wrote this edifying little poem:

Monkey See: Monkey Do:
The Toilet Monster will get you
If to the Lao Shih Teacher you tell a Lie
And dishonestly say with no reason Why
You need a Vacation in the Loo.

If you have to go, you have to go
This is something all Teachers know:
Some times to Poo and others to Pee
It is something we all do, naturally.

But woe unto the little Child
Who ill-bred and with manners Wild
Doth say I gotta when he don’t
The Toilet Monster will get him, see if he won’t!

And take you to his Poopy Lair
Where he’ll you frighten, and he’ll you scare
By serving Fruit Juice in cups of Hair
And pretending to be a scarey bear.

So, little Children, you must be Good
And always do that which you should
And eschew that which you’d better not
Or the Toilet Monster will put you in his cooking pot.

Edward G. Nilges 16 Dec 2010. Moral rights have been asserted nyah ha ha.