Complaint of the Quondam Duchess of York

“‘I have not got a bean to my name,’ she is quoted as saying. ‘I’m a taxpayer, a British taxpayer, and I left the royal family for freedom, and in freedom it means I am bereft. I’m hopeless.'”

Thy hand, Belinda, not a Bean to my Name
Have I! And Lo! lost ever is my former Fame:
A Taxpayer I, and a subject of the Queen
Who once was a Princess, who now must dwell among the mean.
I left my Royal state to fair wandering Freedom find
And now I, a former Princess, am but the meanest hind
I have not stoop’d to Conquer, Andrew’s influence I do not peddle
Yet the Media hound me, and in my private affairs, they meddle
Get I about twenty thousand bob of money from the throne
With this I pay my bills, and have naught to call my Own.
Pursu’d am I by Furies, Harpies and monsters from the BBC
Scorn’d is my former state, and envy not one such as me
The Microphone and Camera pursue me, hellish instruments of scorn
Thrust in my face amidst strangers amidst the alien corn
Beldames and Harridans with hairy hoodlum crew
Shriek personal questions at me I know not what to do
Remember me, oh Sisters Three, and Belinda! Cry for quondam York
But forget my tears, and that I dine,
Nightly on aught but chips, and microwaveable weight watchers Pork.

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