Barack Obama, Osama and Me

As Obama’s Minister Plenipotentiary of Nicorette Gum I protect the Presidential “stash” and am occasionally called upon to give advice on matters of state…

Obama: Yo, Nilges, get your white ass in here.

Me: ‘Ssup Mr President?

Obama: I got an eight mike problem, gimme two 4 milligrams Freshmint…munch munch…dang, now that’s a stimulus.

Me: Wuz da problem, Chief?

Obama: How do I trump the Royal Wedding is the problem, and get Trump off my ass.

Me: Release your long form birth certificate and then turn right around and pop a cap into Osama is how, homeboy. You know where Osama lives.

Obama: You want me invade Pakistan?

Me: Yeah…and get your ass re-elected and have an October moment. Dig up, after JFK stood up to the Russians that boy wuz able to lead.

Obama: Hmm…munch munch…dang…might be worth it. Get the 101st Airborne on his ass…

Me: Nawww, this has gotta be a surgical operation. You drop a division on the Pakistanis you gonna have another war, Mister President. I suggest the Coast Guard.

Obama: Nilges, is you crazy?

Me: they can do it. Cuff the dude, bring him to trial…

Obama: No no no, that is OUT, mofo. You don’t want the de-fence callin’ me to the stand to defend our policies. When you said pop a cap you shuddha meant it lit-erally, like Marcus says he wants Bruce Willis daid. Nilges, for a smart guy, you is one dumb sonofabitch. I gonna pop a cap into Trump and send my birth certificate to Osama, no wait a minute, lemme get it straight, I gonna number one, send my long form birth certificate to Trump…and pop a cap into Osama. Take the canolli (Andrew Cuomo left it, wuz just in here) leave the gum.



2 Responses to “Barack Obama, Osama and Me”

  1. Nicole G. Says:

    Still pretty good looking…..!

  2. spinoza1111 Says:

    Aw shucks! Thanks Bellissima!

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