Balade for Valentine’s Day

Hyde, Absolon, thy gilte tresses clere…

Chaucer

Frankie got a .44 and went into the Hotel
Sayin’ stand back all you floozies or I’ll blow ya all ta hell
He is my man, but he’s doin’ me wrong

Trad.

Betcha didn’t know I was a poet, probably thought I was just a Jag!

Sasha Alexandrovitch

This is a Valentine for all of the ladies who love me

Whether they are Legion or number less than three

Whether they are inappropriately young and nubile

Or old and feeble,

Whether they are skinny lissome Lithe and slim and slender

Or whether they are wide and fat and forever on a Bender.

Whether they are rather Heavy,
Or look smashing in a Bikini

Like the cause of Mr. Christian’s infamous Mutiny:

In which he said, Lerrus orf in old Tahiti

I wants to get some of that tan Tahini!

And here’s another for the ladies who don’t

Who think me a twat a rotter and a cunt.

Who think me stuck up and maybe seriously fucked up

A sort of Hannibal Lecter in the making

Ladies, I’m there for the taking!

For as Hamlet said to fair Ophelia

Listen, kid, I unnerstan, I feel ya:

You actually have no idea-ah

Who knows what Shadow lurks in the Heart of Man

Since Adam delved and Eva span.



But as the unknown poet wrote so well,
‘Bout Frankie who took her pistol to de Hotel

And said, stand back all you floozies or I’ll blow ya all ta Hell,
Stand back, all ye Floozies, and Hyde, Absolon thy gilte tresses that don’t smelle:
There is a One, she’s swell

And none you can know who she are

She’s the one who stole my car,
A legendary old Ford Granada
Back when I was not a Dad, but a Dada.

Edward G. Nilges 15 Feb 2012. Moral rights have been asserted, so right you swine, this’ll read well in the Morning Post

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2 Responses to “Balade for Valentine’s Day”

  1. spinoza1111 Says:

    Liked by myself on behalf of a friend, the redoubtable Poet Boudicca of Belper.

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