The Rich Are Different From You And From Me, Baby, or, Don’t Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It’s Raining, Sugar

“John Stuart Mill, through a mighty effort of the will
Overcame his natural *bonhomie*
And grimly, did he write, ‘Principles of Political Economy'”.
But then he put his pen down and entered a study that was brown,
One of those “brown studies” one gets into with a sombre frown,
And when good old Mill emerged from that study so very sepia and umber,
He solemnly announced to his Wife, that the purpose of politics was “the greatest good for the greatest number”.

But today the Republicans in the U S of A
Have distorted Utilitarianism and this do they say
The greatest good for the smallest number should be the goal of the State
Because don’t you know the effect of that cause will be just fantastic and great
Because yesirree, once the megarich are sitting on fat accounts at the Bank
They will immediately create jobs for Susie and Hank.

But if you ask me this neglects a certain human foible
Which is when you’re loaded and sober to boot, you don’t want to spend a single pfennig or ruble
On something so risky as a factory:
No, siree.
You sometimes just go on down to the A Tee eM
And punch in your numbers and then say wowee and ahem
Will you get a LOAD of that balance oh it gives me a stiffy
Those numbers are better than single malt whisky!

But let’s say that you then, Mr Moneybags, decide to celebrate
And go down to the bar because life is so great.
Well, after you’ve one, and then two and then more
You might decide that life is a bore
Without a couple of ladies of easy virtue and a Gypsy orchestra,
A round of cafes and a trip to a Spa
And then down to Rio and the Copa, Cabana.
Well, you’ve made a lot of broken crockery
Not a factory,
And you haven’t created jobs for chambermaids, snooty headwaiters, and cops,
Because they already HAVE jobs, you’ve just made ’em work
By bein’ a world-historical fool, moron, ne’er do well, and jerk.

So take this moral, you see:
The rich are different from you and from me.
Their wealth doesn’t trickle down save as warm Pee
A golden shower in which you laugh at misery
And blame the world’s victims of a created poverty.


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