Reading My Merck Manual

Listen!

Plorans ploravit in nocte et lacrimae eius in maxillis eius non est qui consoletur eam ex omnibus caris eius omnes amici eius spreverunt eam et facti sunt ei inimici.

ALEPH

I confirm that my type of prostate cancer is incurable. This means that it will kill me in x years. UNLESS I get shot. In other words, it’s incurable but not fatal, or vice versa.

x they say is <= 5 for most people. But I am not most people, none of us are the median. I might go in a month, I might live until 93. All I can do is defend my strong immune system, like the last Emperor of Byzantium, no country for old men, until the end.

It's quite possible that my holistic friends are right. We ALL gots cancer we ALL got weird cells doing strange things. Our center, our soul, the Tree of Life as it were is the immune system which recognizes friend or foe. My center, my soul, is somewhere in the sunlight of the hills. It's the overall pattern of my body, not some hangnail of a cancer. And I like to think that in 1981 I started using this body well. But God is not mocked, and I sowed the black angel when I smoked. All I can say now, is I have no food for thee at this time, in this now. I'd like a Snarfburger and my organic holistic cooking is awful, but I must make a stand. Plus there's always this joint: Prasad’s vegetarian curry may be a cure for cancer in itself..

Hopdance cries in my belly for two white herring! Croak not, black angel, I have no food for thee. – Shakespeare, King Lear

BETH

Actually I worry more when I read about pregnancy. Because of the grand-daughter twins. And then I worry about the lack of jobs in Chicago for their father. And then…I read about how small local farms in Northern Illinois are starting to make significant money as people in towns like Evanston find in “farmer’s markets” food that’s better and cheaper. Perhaps used bookstores will come back to Evanston’s downtown. Nothing like finding a good used book for cheap.

I just worry about how babies “present” and how they emerge. Sometimes they come out not knowing their asshole from their elbows and this worries me. But both my sons came out proper in the old style.

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