Workout Log 18 July 2012

30 minutes free dance with weights first thing. Had intended to either go to the Sun Yat Sen pool first thing in Central or restart with Jane Fonda’s Stress Control but it was raining heavily, and I’d run out of Epsom salts so the left foot was number than usual for the morning…decided to wait until I can, today, resume the nightly Epsom treatment and weather permits a walk to Sun Yat Sen.

Discovered that Laura Linney, whose work I liked in Tales of the City, has a miniseries out called The Big C about a woman with Stage IV cancer, in her case, melanoma. Started to watch this series last night.

I don’t have to be on the phone for hours to insurance companies nor learn, like Oliver Platt in season 2 of The Big C that I’m being laid off summarily, and my health insurance is kaput (unless I can come up with a huge Cobra payment).

But most Queen Mary clerks and receptionists are Cantonese speakers so it’s hard to make myself understood. I missed an appointment last Monday since I’d misfiled the appointment letter and had to call the scheduler.

I started out angry at myself for being stupid and missing the appointment, misfiling the notice, not getting it into my calendar. I didn’t quite realize that I cannot fight cancer perfectly only to the best of my ability with the resources that I have.

I spent ten minutes saying my Hong Kong ID number to the rescheduling clerk over and over again, reading out the letter R that starts my Hong Kong ID number only to realize that you need to leave this out and just say the number…preferably in Cantonese.

This is tough and I need to control my anger and rage against the injustice of it all since the care is being provided at a lot less than it would be in the United States. If I were wealthy I’d check in to a luxury suite at Memorial Sloane-Kettering but I’m anything but. If I were in despair I’d refuse all care and seek out a bar but I’d really rather keep on waking up to the light as best as I can. Imagine a hangover with this diagnosis hanging over your head. Now, when I wake up and feel the tumor-nodule (it’s probably a nodule) I can just let it go, and tell myself to let the doctors examine it and make the decisions.

Those little Anodynes: neglecting what I need to do and returning to booze would cause me to wind up shooting up morphine or heroin in the Chung King Mansions, all alone, for the life that seeks Nepenthe alone is lonely indeed. I hate it when I have to say something over and over again on a mobile phone but it’s high time I start using and learning Cantonese.

We think we know so much and we know so little.


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