Workout 31 Jan 2012

Ten minutes doing leg exercises taught to me today by physical therapist. Body seriously weakened and wasted by this hospital stay which hasn’t been terribly profitable especially given it’s been so wearisome, especially when I didn’t have Internet.

Have confirmed that an agonizing flash of pain that occurs after I spend time on my left side is not the metastasis to bone that is characteristic of prostate cancer; yesterday’s X ray is clean (and the flash never stays). The metastasis is very painful because in some scenarios it fractures them from within. The doctors might be puzzled as to why it hasn’t occurred…yet. I simply think it is a blessing or Mitzvot and that my cancer, like Satan in the (Biblical) book is ultimately under divine direction if you’re a pantheist. The cancer like Job has to ask God for permission to metastasize but God is examining me.

“Batter my heart, three Person’d God” – John Donne

But it’s high time not to stay up so late using the Internet. I need to put on a meditation You Tube and pass out.

O the curve of gracile bone which I mastered as an artist so full of white blood cells so ready to kick cancer’s ass. Your enemy is immortal but you die which makes you brave fellows indeed, real Starship troopers. Time must have a stop but not before the truth is known.

My doctor is ALSO Elton John’s physician. Some guys have to go out in style.

Need once more (o ye laurels) to pull myself up by my own bootstraps as I have done before and as my dear son Eddie did so many times before with far more serious health problems up to now and this cancer-monster deal. Kid had a steel femur after a serious bike accident.

People often just give up in my situation. No longer able to work they file for Social Security in the USA but then proceed to shorten their lives with smoking, drugs and alcohol. Whereas as an artist and writer I feel I have a duty to escape the general curse (work until you die) and somehow set down the truth.

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