Workout 7 Jan 2012

20 min: walked painfully to the common room and out into the garden on a warm day and then physio and conductus in bed. Merely walking puts me out of breath but as far as I know this is caused by laying in bed (to recover from deep vein thrombosis) without pain management.

Get an exercise session with pain management tomorrow. At home I was using 30 mg morphine MST with time release tabs incorrectly (at 30 mg these bad boys are purple, somehow appropriately.) They are time release so they do not provide instant relief which in the case of severe pain is a must: this is provided by one tablespoon of what I call “bean juice” a morphine syrup. I didn’t like the taste so I relied exclusively when out of the hospital on the purple pills which caused me to take a bit too much. Now, with the staff administering all morphine in addition to other drugs I feel little pain and know that if I experience “breakthrough” pain while waiting for the bad boy to kick in, I have an alternative.

Doctors doing the Eagle Rock (everybody in for the Eagle rock) because my PSA levels are down to normal and the cancer is stabilized, according to the head Doc.

And, of course, the Incomprehensible Maestro pads shoeless into the room and finishes a cooling buffet of har gau and dim sum. As I have said, guy’s not only got a thrombosis he also has a hollow leg.


I. Entitlement My Ass

The right calls my Social Security an “entitlement” with a sneer as if the likes of me, like a convict, ain’t got nothing coming and I have no rights. Well check it out. I’ve worked and paid into my account for years. The money’s mine even as the bondholder’s interest is his.

I know of no better way of ruining the social contract than to mock and sneer at the contractual claims of 99% of us. For “entitlement” is used like Latin American dictators used “intellectual”: just as the Fascist could never concede that the “intellectual” was really intelligent, Wall Street mocks the very idea that the Little Man, FDR’s Forgotten Man (hey! that’s me!) might have something coming. Even private medical and pension plans will fail to deliver if they go out of business…or they invest millions in claims denial.

I never labeled the child support payments I made to my former wife her “entitlement” and I never sneered at her.

There’s entirely too much of this wordsmithing meant to put people in their place. “Entitlement” my ass.

II. And I Will Strike Down With Furious Anger Those Who Would Poison and Destroy My Brother

What I like about American ultraviolent movies such as Goodfellas and Pulp Fiction: they show precisely what happens if we forget our mission to eradicate all pain (including “unnecessary” pain) from the world and make it instead working for Marcus or getting into the Copacabana. The pain on my left side does not make me a better person nor does it ennoble me so I just ask for some morphine bean juice as I call it. But when it comes I endure it for now because there’s no alternative.

III. Patrol Boys

The Obama election and re-election reminds me of how, in eighth grade, I was made captain of the patrol boys.

I’d signed up for the “patrol boys” who wore white belts and helped the little kids across the street. I was very zealous and attentive to my duties but very unpopular with the boys in my class owing to my weirdness (reading Shakespeare) and lack of ability at games…I would never have been elected captain since election always went to popular boys who didn’t properly inspect the other boys’ stations.

As a result Sister Monica used a rotation system in which each patrol boy was captain for a week. When my time came, I was, much to the anger of the “cool” PBs, quite zealous about making certain they were on station.

Obama is like the class president made so by a concerted consciousness raising amongst the girls who resolve, after let us say a spectacular rape, not to get taken in by ideals of masculinity that cannot deliver. Many women if you ask me talk a great game about not being taken in by sexy men but of course the evidence seems not to support this. The gasps that any effective enactment of Shakespeare’s seduction scene between Richard III and the Lady Anne elicit from the ladies attest to the power of barbarism.

Basically, damaged, and damaging maleness can be sexy even George W Bush’s version. Hitler could get any girl he wanted. Until women unlearn their attraction to men such as I was we’ll elect Bush and the House will be filled with jerks.

This is also, to be fair, a result of how previous generations of jerks in the House of Representatives used their power to redistrict to create constituencies (for the most part, white middle class constituencies) sure to elect them.

Geeky men like I have in many cases suffered even more personality damage and make as mates males that are even less adequate than self-proclaimed alpha males…the guy you send to the store for cake only to get Irish Cream and pie. Your alpha male is on the mother and rest assured the beatings will stop when your morale improves, darlin’.

Obama may have effected a permanent change to the electoral system by defeating Romney who was like Reagan the perfect 1980s candidate but perceived today as someone who will betray most of us, say about 49%. He presents an alternative to masculinity that Judith Butler calls “Meti” after the mixed-race Indian-French-English Canadians who rebelled against English discrimination in the 19th century. Obama is the real America, Romney a wannabe from when [white] men were [white] men and the [white] women were glad of it.

Today, MOST geek males are even worse transmitters of sexism than alpha males but there is a change afoot. “Cool geeks” work on Hubbell or compilers as I did and their enthusiasm becomes enthusiasm for others and for new experiences of all sorts. The problem is that their enthusiasm usually “trumps” or supersedes enthusiasm for conventional mores and ceremony which is why even in the best marriages conflict can erupt if she feels all Christmassy and he doesn’t to take one example.

IV. Good, God: a Note on Religion, Spirituality and the Good

It never ceases to amaze: the lead doctor here in Hong Kong, at Queen Mary, apparently snuck me into Grantham because the deal here is that the interest of the patient controls decision making whereas in America the discourse seems to always renarrate the pure eleemosynary as “rational”, that is, self-interested. A real rehab at Grantham will get Queen Mary out of the expensive business of medevacing my skinny ass every week sometimes in the Lamma helicopter.

Here there is an effort to save my sorry ass which is working: according to the head doctor this morning, my PSA levels are “normal” and the cancer, if not cured, stabilized both by the magic bullet (drug based virtual castration) . The remaining problem is “deep vein thrombosis” which we’re working on.

In America we may have lost the ability to think and allocate resources in an eleemosynary way whereas Hong Kong seems to start with the ideal of Guan Yin and to accept the needs of sorry assed Westerners washed up on her shores without questioning them. I think it’s called “welfare economics”. Eek. But “welfare” occurs in the Constitution, in the Preamble in fact and you have to know how to do it. Because we don’t in the USA costs are sky high, and there’s a great deal of waste…especially in things like a heart transplant for a 72 year old asshole (former Vice President Cheney, last year).

But as soon as you start overly questioning human needs as do many punks I have known with the sneer of the libertarian it’s a straight line to picking off school kids with a hard on.

You can take that as read: as soon as you start overly questioning human needs as do many punks I have known with the sneer of the libertarian it’s a straight line to picking off school kids with a hard on. Basically, taking aim and shooting children is a male gesture. If a woman does it she’s being an honorary male, aka a nickel plated bitch. It is a gesture located on a continuum which also includes smirking at altruism.

That is the uncaring male persona can be located on a continuum the extreme end of which is the mass murderer because you need to start with the axiom of a Mencius or Socrates or GE Moore: that the Good exists, period.

That is (Das Ist): Good God. Religions, because they own as religions Holy Private Property, pragmatically prioritize your subscription to their specific forms of the good so you’ll give money but what matters is your love of the Good or God. Everything else is BS.

If the red slayer think he slays,
Or if the slain think he is slain,
They know not well the subtle ways
I keep, and pass, and turn again.

Far or forgot to me is near;
Shadow and sunlight are the same;
The vanished gods to me appear;
And one to me are shame and fame.

They reckon ill who leave me out;
When me they fly, I am the wings;
I am the doubter and the doubt,
I am the hymn the Brahmin sings.

The strong gods pine for my abode,
And pine in vain the sacred Seven;
But thou, meek lover of the good!
Find me, and turn thy back on heaven.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, Brahma


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